Those who hurt us and cause us the most emotional pain should be given humble thanks, for they are our greatest teachers. A strange statement you may say, and it is, but I believe that it is true.
Douglas Harding in his highly original classic'On Having No Head', wrote the following truthful words:
'There is no route from the Paradise of childhood to the Heaven of the blessed that doesn't lie through the far country, through some kind of Hell or Purgatory'.
He is right, I'd say in nearly every case. The good news is, it doesn't have to be this way; you can avoid the suffering. More on that later.
Look at your own life. You have suffered. It can come in many forms, shapes and sizes, but it always feels the same. You know that feeling so well.
Have you lost your home, or think you are about to?
Have you been given the boot from your job?
Are you scared that you won't be able to pay your bills, your mortgage, your rent?
All these situations cause you to suffer, and I bet you don't feel like thanking your bank or landlord for this.
Well I' m not talking about thanking your bank or mortgage provider, you will , no doubt, be pleased to know.! We haven't reached sainthood yet!
What I'm on about is the emotional suffering that makes your heart into a spin dryer. It makes it churn and turn and weep.Your personal issues with your nearest and dearest.
Has someone who you trusted and thought was a loyal friend, turned out to be the one who really hurt you?
This happens to a lot of people; you are not alone, but your suffering is a very lonely feeling.
Has someone broken your heart ? That's a heavy one, isn't it; that can, if you're not careful make you act and behave like the whole World is ending.
Has someone made you jealous so much that it does feel like an arrow in your heart?
The Bible says, that jealousy can turn you mad.
Has someone close to you really let you down?
Has a loved one made you feel a fool in front of other people?
Has a loved one criticized you until you feel like a complete and utter failure in everything you do?
And the beat goes on.
All the above cause that strange throbbing hurt that seems to vibrate through your whole being.
Right now, most of the World is going through a time of suffering. In the third World, the suffering is so intense, it is causing mass starvation , disease and death. In our World it seems to be about loss, whether it's money, goods or property or all three. But this post is not about the mass changes that are taking place. This is about your private suffering that someone in your life has caused to come about. You blame the other person, but in 'reality' as you create everything- well, think about that.
The reasons you have these nasty incidents in your life, is, I believe, because the real hidden you , has decided that you need to change, you need to grow and to mature; you need a shake up.
If you do change, grow and mature all well and good. If you don't, you will, most likely, get a repeat dose later, maybe with exactly the same theme.
Haven't you noticed how the same themes that distress you so much keep repeating?
This is the reason.
What is very hard to grasp though, is that these unpleasant episodes that bring you tears and anguish are really the best things that can happen in your life, but you certainly can't see that at the time. Haven't you ever looked back on a time when you were upset, thinking then that it was the worst thing that has happened to you, only to later realize, that it was really the best thing that ever happened to you?
These times of sorrow are given to you as presents if you like; gifts from the Gods to help you get closer to where you really are, but don't know it. So don't harbour thoughts of ill-will to those who have hurt you. Thank them in your heart for helping you on your way.
You must have hurt others too. That R.E.M. song 'Everybody Hurts' is so true. You could say everybody hurts each other.
We have such fragile egos.
It's only the ego, that doesn't exist, that hurts. Your real self, your oversoul if you wish, is not stirred or shaken one bit by all that frantic, fevered emotion.
Can you avoid being cut by these scissors of suffering?
Yes you can. Dump you ego (yer, I know it's easier said than done, but the point is it Can be done!) ,and really start living in the now in all of your precious nows. If you are sincere and really want to avoid suffering, it has to be total immersion.You have to life like this all, and I mean all the time, from the moment you get up in the morning to the time you go to bed.
All true religious Teachers were trying to tell us how to be happy and not to suffer, though you wouldn't know this from the organized religions in the World.
Ekhart Tolle who was enlightened at a very young age in his twenties, I believe, has not, I am sure suffered at all in any way since that time. But, if he hadn't jumped out of this illusion then, one wonders, how much suffering would he have had to endure?
One day we will all lose our egos. Then we become the real man or the real woman. At the moment we are still babies sucking at our Mother's breast, the Earth.
The next stage is coming through fast. We will still be with our beautiful magical Mother, the Earth, but we have to be what we really are.
Be in the now. See through the illusion. Be who you really are. Without an ego you cannot suffer.
Thanks Bob Marley for the idea for the title which was taken from his classic' No Woman, No Cry.'
Mike Selley.
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