Here is an article I wrote, what, a week ago, before the wonderful Prince and Princess gave birth to the wonderful Prince. How accurate I was ! Sorry, my ego is raising its head, but, ain't it funny . or should that read , sad. I note , in particular that the high up Cabinet Minister who used to go to the brothel for boys, Elm House, was collared, as it were just about when the news of the the Royal birth hit the headlines. Now, isn't that odd. see: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/elm-guest-house-investigation-former-senior-cabinet-minister-faces-rape-investigation-8723115.html
The article below was written before the great event. Almost every thing I wrote, the Daily Mail has written, now that the baby has been born.
Here is the article.
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How come the British tabloid, the Daily Mail, is not going bonkers about this yet ?
No pictures of a bun in the oven , Kate ?
How strange.
No write ups on how she is coping with being with child .
No long boring articles on what sort of fantastic Mum Kate will be. She will obviously be The Mum to shame every other Mum in the World. She will be Mrs Mummy Perfect
No stories about the pram she will use. Wait a minute though, I seem to recall there was a story on this, at the start of her pregnancy from the good ole DM.
What about her dashing, war loving, animal killer of a husband ?
Surely there should have been an article on what a loving, caring Daddy he will be.
He will probably, in keeping with Royal tradition, teach his offspring the art and craft of killing innocent animals, when, he or she is about six years old. After all randy Andy did. Not that the Daily Mail would, in today's censored times ,dare to mention such a thing.
And how about Prince Big Ears or Charlie. Why hasn't it been written yet what a perfect Grandpa he will be ? The Daily Mail could wet itself on how he could teach the new family member the joys of natural food.
And oh, how the perfectly normal, animal killer, the Queen will be so over the moon. Pictures could have been taken of one of her smiling, looking 50 year old, stand ins.
But no. Not a whisper from the good old DM. One phone call from the Palace was all it needed to shut them up. The Daily Mail would hate to upset Kate so, of course, not a word will be uttered. And, no doubt, they told the Palace, that they were so sorry that they showed a picture of the clean living Kate smoking a ciggie
a few months ago. They called it' a naughty cigarette' whereas, if anyone else is caught smoking, it' called a 'disgusting habit'. But , you see, Royalty are special; they do naughty things, not disgusting ones.
You can bet that most of the aforementioned has already been written, revised and edited.. They are just waiting for the Big, Big, Day.
Once baby is born, you are going to see page after page of this 'Royal Event.'.
It will, I am sure, be, more or less, the only news.
Forget Syria, Egypt, Sex crimes in high places ( Cabinet Minister at Elm House ?),* British Soldier deaths in Afghanistan; these will all be dismissed as annoying distractions, and of no importance whatsoever, compared to the wonderful news of a new member of the Royal Family.
* I must be psychic, because this was not in the news when I wrote this .
People who can't afford to eat in the U.K. will not disgrace this marvellous moment of History in the making.
The fact that every citizen in the U.K. is being spied on illegally in the U.K.by the government, will be treated with the contempt it deserves.
Nothing, but nothing, must destroy this whoopee moment.
Any journalist with bad news will be put firmly on the back page and only allowed two lines.
And the people will love it. It will give them the one thing they so sorely miss ; a fairy tale. Let's shut 'reality ' out and hide in the safety of the covers of a children's book.
'Reality Hurts'.
I don't think I'll be reading the esteemed Daily Mail on the happy day baby is born, unless I'm in the mood to take the ---, in which case I'll write another blog post.
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